Smart kids

 Go on, laugh. There's not much else to do on a wet March morning.
 
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.

TEACHER: Alan, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
ALAN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
ALAN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

TEACHER: Bobby, why do you always get so dirty?
BOBBY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

TEACHER: Tony, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
TONY : No, sir. It's the same dog.

Lyrics to The Philosopher's Drinking Song

 Another Monty Python classic:

 Immanuel Kant was a real piss-ant who was very rarely stable.

Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table. ..

David Hume could out-consume Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel.
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.
There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach 'ya 'bout the raising of the wrist.
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.
John Stuart Mill, of his own free will, after half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away, half a crate of whiskey every day!
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
And Hobbes was fond of his Dram.
And René Descartes was a drunken fart:
"I drink, therefore I am."
Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed;
A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed.