(Please imagine a picture of a desert island)
... is a longrunning programme in which celebrities are asked to imagine they are marooned on a desert island, and are then asked to choose the eight records they will take with them. At the end, they can also take one book and one "luxury item". They already give you the Bible, a bummer if you are a Muslim; and the Complete Works of Shakespeare, as if you hadn't suffered enough in secondary school.
Given that every reader of this blog, including its author, are celebrities - some of us still unrecognised - I invite you to join the ranks of the Desert Island Dicks. Nah, why bother? Just answer the following questions. You can be honest, given that nobody gives a flying fruitbat what your preferences are.
1
Which piece of music would you have on your desert island? (Remember, you might have to listen to the damn thing a zillion times before you are rescued, or die)
2
Which book would you take with you? (Something you will re-read an equal number of times)
3
Which work of art would you choose to hang in your bamboo hut? (Careful now, this is a family show)
4
What particular food item would you miss most? (We can supply it of course: this is the BBC)
5
Assuming you could log on to the internet, which website would you most treasure?
6
What piece of hardware would you want to be posted to you from B&Q (Home Depot)?
7
Hygiene could be a problem. What cosmetic item would you want to have with you?
8
If you could have one famous person to share your isolation, who would it be? (Careful now, this is a family show)
9
What single activity would most help you to pass the time once your physical needs were met? (Careful now, this is a family show)
10
What would be your "luxury item"?
I know you are PANTING to know my choices. Here they are:
1 Piece of music
Janos Starker playing Bach's unaccompanied Cello Suites: it's almost jazz
2 Book
The Koran: I want to work out why they feel the need to marmalise me. Also, if there's anything in it, I might make a pitch for seventy virgins.
3 Work of art
Any Breughel, pere or fils: you never get to the end of them
4 Food item
A mountain of lentils: bowel movements could become a critical issue
5 Website
YouTube: it's good to know I'm not the only nutter.
6 Piece of hardware
A Bosch Cordless Drill: it makes such a satisfying bzzzzzrrrrrrrrrrr sound
7 Cosmetic item
A good lipgloss: you never know when you might need to look sexy
8 Famous person
I'm not sure the island is big enough for TWO famous people...
9 Pastime activity
Birding, of course, but if there aren't any birds, I'll poke around in the undergrowth like David A.
10 Luxury item
A powerful speedboat to get me "outta here" once the Bach Cello suites, the Breughel and the Koran start to lose their lustre.
You know the saw about the difference between an optimist and a pessimist: the pessimist says the glass is half empty, the optimist says the glass is half full.
