Oh, bugger that, let me invite ten historical figures. Let's have a seriously BLOODY dinner party!
1
Fermat. You bastard! Explain that marginal note! You made it sound SO simple!
2
Pascal. "Cogito ergo cum"? What about the opposite? "Non cogito, ego..........." what?
3
Schroedinger. I really think you should get a life. I hope you get laid at my dinner party.
4
Florence Nightingale. Believe me, Florence, there are some flagging members here that desperately need you healing touch.
5
Praxiteles. If I give you the dynamite, will you help me blow up the town centres of most of the towns in England. And then re-design them so that they are for PEOPLE?
6
Deborah Meaden. You might not know who she is - she is one of the dragons in the Dragon's Den- but I have fallen in love with her calves. She is also devastatingly CLEVER. Oh god, she's not even dead yet. Damn
7
Dante Alighieri: there are so many parts of the Divina Commedia (ok, like everyone else, I only read L'Inferno) that I would like to squeeze in a couple of questions. For example, what is this about "fare le fiche" and that line "To, Dio, che a te le squadro!"
8
Adolf Hitler. No, seriously, somebody needs to talk to this guy. Evil? Too simplistic? Anal retentive? Spare me. What made this guy tick? I really want to know.
9
Samuel Johnson: what a curmudgeon. The original "grumpy old man", but a fund of information. Let him in.
10
John Donne. Come on, man, you started out shagging everything in sight, and ended up going all metaphsysical on us. Give us the full SP, you old goat!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Dinner Party
Accepting the wonderful Maureen Box's challenge, which ten people would you invite to a dinner party?
Oh my, what a challenge! The last time I saw this conceit, it concerned historical figures, which I could do much more easily, but ok, I will accept the challenge and go for contemporary figures.
1
Nigella Lawson, and I don't even propose to say why. OK, I might steal a few recipes. Yep.
2
Stephen Fry, the wittiest man around today. And I know I am safe: is he going to proposition a 72 year old guy with a prostate problem?!
3
Claire Short, amazingly antediluvian socialist, ugly as sin, but full of passion. Could cause the dinner party to disintegrate, but what the hell?
4
Barbara Windsor, bubbly as ever, despite the sagging, would keep any social gathering up and running.
5
David Attenborough, a man who for me can do no wrong. Sociable, knowledgeable, caring, anecdotal, god knows what he will make of my other guests.
6
Charlie Dimmock, a feisty lady with a contempt for bras which has influenced a whole generation of gardeners.
7
Angus Deayton, just because he is witty and I still feel sorry about the way the BBC dumped him (though I appreciate that they had no choice, naughty boy).
8
Patrick Moore, because I don't understand a word he says, and I love his misogyny (He has got to be on someone's hitlist!)
9
K D Lang, because it's important to get a lesbian perspective on world events. Isn't it?
10
Mrs Trellis. Go figure, as our American cousins say.
Oh my, what a challenge! The last time I saw this conceit, it concerned historical figures, which I could do much more easily, but ok, I will accept the challenge and go for contemporary figures.
1
Nigella Lawson, and I don't even propose to say why. OK, I might steal a few recipes. Yep.
2
Stephen Fry, the wittiest man around today. And I know I am safe: is he going to proposition a 72 year old guy with a prostate problem?!
3
Claire Short, amazingly antediluvian socialist, ugly as sin, but full of passion. Could cause the dinner party to disintegrate, but what the hell?
4
Barbara Windsor, bubbly as ever, despite the sagging, would keep any social gathering up and running.
5
David Attenborough, a man who for me can do no wrong. Sociable, knowledgeable, caring, anecdotal, god knows what he will make of my other guests.
6
Charlie Dimmock, a feisty lady with a contempt for bras which has influenced a whole generation of gardeners.
7
Angus Deayton, just because he is witty and I still feel sorry about the way the BBC dumped him (though I appreciate that they had no choice, naughty boy).
8
Patrick Moore, because I don't understand a word he says, and I love his misogyny (He has got to be on someone's hitlist!)
9
K D Lang, because it's important to get a lesbian perspective on world events. Isn't it?
10
Mrs Trellis. Go figure, as our American cousins say.
Damn
I watch nature programmes, don't you? But, i tell you, I can't take much more. It seems that every form of nature, floral and faunal, is under threat.
Sophie, Harry, Kiki, Joseph, Matthew, Alfred, my darling grandchildren, I have done my pathetic little bit to leave you a planet worth living on, but I fear for the future. Your future. Forgive me, I didn't do enough. Nobody is doing enough.
Sophie, Harry, Kiki, Joseph, Matthew, Alfred, my darling grandchildren, I have done my pathetic little bit to leave you a planet worth living on, but I fear for the future. Your future. Forgive me, I didn't do enough. Nobody is doing enough.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Learn English
Let me introduce you to a sentence that changed my life:
A friend of mine came round the other evening and it took me ages to get rid of him.
I am sad that I cannot acknowledge the author of this sentence - I think his name was Robin - but I remember vividly the lecture in which he introduced it, many many years ago at an ARELS teacher training weekend at the Bell School in Cambridge.
That was in the late sixties when Frank Bell was still in charge. A colossus, long gone to his rest, bless him.
Robin's point was to give students sentences to memorise which contained a richesse of useful constructions.
Let us now deconstruct the sentece.
A friend of mine
Not "my friend",which sounds too intimate, but just one of my circle of friends.
came round
Oh my, the problem that foreign learners have with phrasal verbs.!
it took me ages
Lovely idiomatic phrase, begging to be learned by heart.
get rid of him
Another idiomatic phrase that you have to learn by heart.
I copied this idea and gave my students ten crazy sentences on each Friday to memorise over the weekend. Even today, god willing, there are geriatric Swiss guys and gals stll coming out with a slather of English idioms and phrases, thanks to Robin, or whatever his name was, and my enthusiastic adoption of his idea.
A friend of mine came round the other evening and it took me ages to get rid of him.
I am sad that I cannot acknowledge the author of this sentence - I think his name was Robin - but I remember vividly the lecture in which he introduced it, many many years ago at an ARELS teacher training weekend at the Bell School in Cambridge.
That was in the late sixties when Frank Bell was still in charge. A colossus, long gone to his rest, bless him.
Robin's point was to give students sentences to memorise which contained a richesse of useful constructions.
Let us now deconstruct the sentece.
A friend of mine
Not "my friend",which sounds too intimate, but just one of my circle of friends.
came round
Oh my, the problem that foreign learners have with phrasal verbs.!
it took me ages
Lovely idiomatic phrase, begging to be learned by heart.
get rid of him
Another idiomatic phrase that you have to learn by heart.
I copied this idea and gave my students ten crazy sentences on each Friday to memorise over the weekend. Even today, god willing, there are geriatric Swiss guys and gals stll coming out with a slather of English idioms and phrases, thanks to Robin, or whatever his name was, and my enthusiastic adoption of his idea.
Out of focus
No doubt you will recognise the third illustration as the infuriating Escher. I hope you enjoy these three pictures, but to be honest, everyday life looks like this to me....
Tractor porn
Listen, kid, I LOVE the tractor, but do me a favour: ask you big sister to get in the driving seat!
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