Wednesday, June 26, 2013

More imbecility

A farmer friend of mine, let's call him Ron, keeps his machinery in a secure barn, approved by his insurers. Thieves still managed to break in and take a number of portable objects, such as a generator, a couple of compressors, chains saws and the like. Fortunately, Ron keeps the really valuable items in a kind of huge safe, concreted in, thick steel, totally fail-safe locks, etc. Even so, the thieves left it badly damaged in their determination to get into it.
Enter the “loss adjuster” from the insurance company, who comes up with the fatuous judgment that the damage to the supersafe safe is not covered, because “the insurance covers the contents of the shed, but that is a shed within a shed”. Ron points out that if he hadn't installed his supersafe safe, his so-called “shed within a shed”, the thieves would have taken stuff of immensely greater value, and the insurers would have had a much bigger bill.
Of course it's no use trying to present this kind of logical argument to the likes of this loss adjuster: such people are carefully lobotomised before being sent out on their missions.

Friday, June 21, 2013

If you are interested in the fate of Turkey

Here is an article about the historical background to the current unrest in Turkey, together with a wartsandall portrait of its current PM.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

One's Parent who copula in Heaven

Girl Guides will no longer pledge their devotion to God when they join the organisation, it has been announced.
The phrase "to love my God" has been dropped from the Promise after a consultation suggested different words are needed to include the non-religious.
Instead, girls joining the organisation will now be asked to "be true to myself and develop my beliefs".

This kind of dumbing down, this increasing taste for statements that are inoffensive to the point of being meaningless, is beyond satire. You'd think that by now organisations would have learned the lesson from the Anglican Church that by trying to be 'all things to all men', you end up being nothing to anyone.

Our Father who..
Well, when I say “Our”, I don't mean to exclude people of other faiths or none, and when I say “Father” I mean no offence to the millions of wonderful Mothers in the world, though I am not suggesting that to be fulfilled, a woman has to be a mother. OK, let's try again:
One's Parent, who art in Heaven...
Not wishing to be prescriptive about grammatical forms – let's face it, it's communication not correctness that matters – we need to do something about that 'art', by choosing from such popular alternatives as 'am' 'is' and 'are'. So, let's try again:
One's parent who am is or are in Heaven....
This 'Heaven' concept could be too narrow for the many people who just believe there “must be something....” How about:
One's Parent, who am is or are in a Nicer Place, hallowed be thy name...
Oh dear, how many people know what 'hallowed' means (I don't LOL!!) - and that word 'thy' has to go in case it implies we are all from Lancashire. Oh dear, it's too difficult. I think we need to revamp the whole prayer. Something simple like:

Thank you, whoever you are for whatever it is, amen.

I reckon the Girl Guides would like that one.