Saint Rita

If you are looking for a really helpful saint, I can recommend today's saint, Saint Rita, because she is known as "the saint of impossible cases".
Get in line, though, my need is probably greater than yours right now!

Daddy Allsop has got a hurtie

Daddy Allsop has got a hurtie. Well, to be precise, Daddy Allsop HAD a hurtie until this afternoon, when it was surgically attacked by Dr Aniskowicz and his sharp little scalpel. And now, where there was once an infected sebacious cyst between my shoulder blades, there is a Vesuvian crater. Well, to be precise once more, I THINK there may be a Vesuvian crater, but he has put seven stitches across its diameter and has stuck a dressing over it, leaving me with just a puzzle and an itch.
I was hoping for some pain so that I could canvass sympathy from the matrons of the village, but so far only a mild ache. Not to worry, I can fake it if necessary.
Note: I prefer green to red grapes, or any kind of chocolate. No flowers, though, there's enough pollen up my nose already.

Examen de français au primaire

I have no doubt that the following responses are genuine. Kids see the world much more clearly than we do.

Réponses d'élèves du primaire

1. Dans la phrase, ''Le voleur a volé les pommes'', où est le sujet ?
- En prison.
2. Le futur du verbe ''je bâille'' est... ?
- je dors.
3. Que veut dire l'eau ''potable'' ?
- C'est celle que l'on peut mettre dans un pot.
4. Qu'est-ce qu'un oiseau migrateur ?
- C'est celui qui ne peut se gratter que la moitié du dos.
5. Que faire la nuit pour éviter les moustiques ?
- Il faut dormir avec un mousquetaire.
6. À quoi sert la peau de la vache ?
- Elle sert à garder la vache ensemble.
7. Pourquoi le chat a-t-il quatre pattes ?
- Les 2 devants servent à courir, les 2 derrières à freiner.
8. Quand dit-on ''chevaux'' ?
- Quand il y a plusieurs chevals.
9. Qui a été le premier colon en Amérique ?
- Christophe.
10. Complétez les phrases suivantes :
- À la fin, les soldats en ont assez...
- ...d'être tués.
- La nuit tombée...
- ....le renard s'approcha à pas de loup.
11. Pourquoi les requins vivent-ils dans l'eau salée ?
- Parce que dans l'eau poivrée, ils tousseraient tout le temps.
12. L'institutrice demande : quand je dis «je suis belle», quel temps est-ce ?
- Le passé, Madame.

La reyne est morte, vive la reyne!

My new 4x4 chariot, inherited from my son. It has certain advantages over the late queen, eg, it has four doors making it easier to load and unload; it is diesel, making it merely costly rather than cripplingly expensive;.and it goes.
At least for the moment.

She's gone!

The old girl has finally gone, taken away by a hairy Norfolk fellow to a fate I'd rather not think about. If you want see a photographic sequence of her final moments, click here. But it might be better just to think of her as she was in her prime. Not that she had much prime left by the time I acquired her.

May 30th is a Bonk Holiday....

Two little gems from my lovely friend, H.

First, a quote from Alan Coren: "I like Sainsbury's: it keeps the riffraff out of Waitrose."

And H herself, who is something of a mycologist, when asked by an expert where she had found a particular fungus, said "Under a pine." When asked what species of pine, she said "I don't know, I can't tell one pinus from another."

I like my lovely friend, H.

Colour code

When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in Sun, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
And when I die, I still black
And you white fellow
When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick, you green
And when you die, you gray
And you calling me colored?