Dear Mrs Scrote, she writes, I am intrigated by your use of the word "munchkins" to describe your grandchildren. Is it a term of endearment, or are they really tiny and fictitious? My husband, the late Mr Trellis, had various names for me, not all of which I understood, so I used to watch his face for signs of satire. In the Spring, he sometimes called me his "little pussy willow". At such moments, I noticed that his face was flushed and his breathing a little tight, but I put that down to overindulgence in the dandelion and baldock. In the autumn, I became his "little shiny conker", a name which I thought would have suited him better. Anyway, I didn't much like that name, though it was better than being his "little red haw", which I took to be an unflattering reference to my private area.
I've often wondered if Scrote is your real name, or something you were given by a hostile agent.
Blodwen Trellis, Mrs, Widow, retd.