Friday, June 29, 2012

Barclaycard shmarklaycard

I am so glad it's Friday as I have just cause to be grumpy. The whole saga of getting a B-card (platinum, no less) and then failing to access my online account would bore the balls off a buffalo, better you should read Beowulf in fraktur. But, being a generous fellow, I will give you the essentials.
Having failed to log in, I call the helpline. Helpline Person 1 asks all kinds of questions, and then transfers me to Helpline Person 2, Helpline Person 2 asks the same questions, then gives me some info and, when his suggestions don't work, I ring up again and have a chat with Helpline Person 3, who asks the same questions and then makes alternative suggestions.
They don't work either, so I go to the online chat facility, you know, the kind where you type in your responses to, in this case, Cedrick: "My name is Cedrick, how can I help you?". After a series of interchanges, I realise that Cedrick is a robot, programmed only to tell me "I'm sorry to hear that", "I don't have the information, you need so please phone [helpline numbers that I suffered from earlier]".
At this point, I ask him for a statement of account, so that I can pay what I owe and then cut up and ceremonially burn my Barclaycard. At which point, the robot whirrs and says "Your account has been blocked. You need to phone [another helpline number]."
I was sorry to hear that.

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