In my Remind-Me Calendar, the entry for 02 July reads: 0090 Hering Test. I just noticed the orthographical oddity, and for a second my brain automatically corrected it to 0900 Herring Test. I like the idea of being fitted with the NHS equivalent of a Babel Fish, a device which will enable me to translate the many utterances that nowadays don't really make sense. For example
"A hosepipe ban is in force in East Anglia" -this during the wettest Spring since records began;
"Why do you need that test, I've never even heard of it" - this from the practice nurse at the Surgery (the test is an indicator of incipient cancers of the pancreas, etc and recommended by my doctor in Ankara);
"Sorry, we can't balance your alloy wheels at this garage, it requires special equipment", which I interrpret to mean "Piss off, you and your ageing Nissan aren't worth bothering with".
Once I get my new Herring Aid, I shall KNOW what it all means! And, as a bonus, I might also catch a lot more of what people are saying to me and, if I can recover the higher frequencies, also be able to hear Goldcrests and Willow Warbler song and the chirping of bushcrickets again.
Mind you, I shall continue to use subtitles for American movies - my impression is that even the Yanks no longer understand what they are saying, rather like Little Jim in Eccles' boot.