Hiawatha...

He killed the noble Mudjokivis.
Of the skin he made him mittens,
Made them with the fur side inside,
Made them with the skin side outside.
He, to get the warm side inside,
Put the inside skin side outside.
He, to get the cold side outside,
Put the warm side fur side inside.
That's why he put the fur side inside,
Why he put the skin side outside,
Why he turned them inside outside.

With thanks to Peter W for reminding me of this spoof.

It's my birthday on Friday!

A 72 year old guy loves fishing. He was sitting in his boat the otherday when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.'
He looked around and couldn't see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,'Pick me up'
He looked in the water and there, floating on top, was a frog.
The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'
The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up then kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!'
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, 'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'

Pipe Dream

Swift nestboxes made of wood have the advantage that they are not expensive, something between 14-25 pounds. The disadvantage is that they don't last, subject as they are to the vagaries of our climate.
A durable box made of "woodcrete" is available if you are prepared to stump up about £57 or more (the Schwegler box).
So, we think we have come up with an ideal compromise: a durable box that costs no more than a wooden box. Click here for full details.
You start with offcuts of the pipe used for water mains. You cut these into 400mm lengths, cut an access hole in the side for the birds, put a plywood platform in the bottom of the pipe, plug the ends, paint appropriately, and there you are: a cheap but indestructible nest box for Swifts.
At least, we hope so. We have made twenty and are getting them erected in suitable locations to see how they fare, and how well the birds take to them.
If it works, we shall be heroes. If it doesn't, well, all we've lost is a few offcuts of pipe, a lot of elbow grease and our reputations. No big deal.

Acknowledgment: photo by Dick Newell

Ecology of Kestrels

To help a postgraduate student, Claudia, with her research, my colleague Peter and I took her to find occupied Kestrel boxes on Monday and Tuesday. Glorious weather, lots of things to see, good company, and thirteen occupied boxes to boot. On the way to one site, Peter stopped the vehicle to allow a female Lapwing escort her chick across the road. Claudia, bless her, managed to get this pic.
There's something about new birth that renews your faith in the universe.

Sedge Warbler

This afternoon I parked up on North Fen, away from traffic and noise and problems, poured a coffee from my thermos and settled back to listen to a Sedge Warbler singing. A male, freshly arrived I imagine, and singing his heart out. They aren't much to look at, streaky brown things with a jaunty eyestripe, but when they are singing, often from an exposed perch, the bill opens wide and you can see right down their throat. He's a mimic is the male Sedge Warbler, and it's fun to pick out snatches of song from other species. I listened to him for about twenty minutes. It's not Grand Opera, but it's a sure way of lowering your blood pressure and taking your mind off your worries for a while.
The coffee, by the way, was awful, but it always is when I make it

Doctor, don't ask!

You have certain symptoms: hot flushes, dizziness, panic attacks, uncontrolled trembling, nausea.
So you go to the doctor, and he recommends a course of antidepressant medication.
You are grateful.
You pop the first pill, and then, idly curious, you read the accompanying leaflet, which contains a list of possible side effects. They include...
hot flushes, dizziness, panic attacks, uncontrolled trembling, nausea.
Am I missing something here?

The mills of God...

In 1996, I with others started a campaign to save Swift colonies in the United Kingdom. At the time it was not on the lists of birds of conservation concern, even though colonies were disappearing alarmingly as buildings were renovated. We canvassed the premier British birding organisation, the RSPB, using the argument that it was better to solve a problem rather than wait until it became a crisis. Today, some 13 years later, when the decline has reached crisis proportions. we (representatives of four amateur Swift organisations) had a meeting at the RSPB, where it was announced that Swift is now on the "amber" list of birds of conservation concern.
It's not only the mills of God that grind exceeding slow, but it looks like we've got good corn at last.