deeping gate
A deeply satisfying wooden gate to lean against and "deep" or contemplate. There is a famous one in Dorset which Thomas Hardy used regularly. He swore by it. And indeed at it, after getting wood dittons (qv) in his writing hand.
deeping saint james
Sitting on the wrong lap, thereby failing to reap the rewards of a deeping saint nicholas (qv). It can still be fun, though.
deeping saint nicholas
An ingenious scam used by streetwise kids to ensure that they get the presents they want when visiting Santa's Grotto. It consists of sitting on the old man's lap and whispering in his ear: "Gimme what I want or I'll tell me mum you touched me bum."
didlington
A mythical place where maidens have faraway looks in their eyes.A sort of Camelot.
diss
A badly-aimed mucus-rich smacker from an enthusiastic toddler. A typical Carroll “portmanteau word”, formed from dribble and kiss. Like “slithy” only wetter.
dittons
Thorns and or slivers of wood that bury themselves in your flesh and which only start to hurt after skin has grown over them making them impossible to remove without considerable bloodshed.
downham market
The exact spot in the River Cam where a tyro punter loses his grip and his shippeyness (qv).
dry drayton
The throat condtion of a drunk as he squeezes that last glassful out of the bag of a 3-litre wine carton.
dunmow, adj
A futile attempt to keep age at bay by plucking the grey hairs out of one's pubes.
dunton
A nonce word which gave rise to the proverb "Do as you would be dunton". It never caught on.
earith
Weird noises in the night which convince you there are tattiebogles in the house, but which turn out to be your stomach rumbling.
eastrea
An excess of femininity
edith weston
A Canadian lumberjack and he's all right
emneth
A word much used by drunks to elicit sympathy from the sober.
elsing
The excuse when you are invited to a birthday party, wedding or christening that you have a prior engagement. Mean people use elsing as a way of saving expenditure on presents .
elsworth
The distance a hand can travel up a stockinged thigh before a weak protest is made. Sometimes provokes shimpling (qv)
elvedon
An exciting fairyland to which parents promise to take their children “if they are good”. Hence, any clause in an election manifesto.
epworth (DIY jargon)
A houseowner’s word, an epworth is what he expects to save by doing a repair job himself. Tradesemen approve of epworths, because, when they are finally called in to do the job properly, they get paid not only for fixing what was originally wrong, but also for repairing the damage done by the householder in pursuit of his epworth.
exning
Making contact again with an old flame, forgetting what it was that made you break up in the first place. Inevitably leads to a farcet (qv).
eye
The winning word in the Daily Star’s Shortest Palindrome Contest. The word o-o was disqualified on the grounds that this Hawaiian endemic is extinct. I was also disqualified on the grounds that I may spell the same backwards as forwards, but that I cannot be seen to move even when I does so.
farcet
That moment when you wake up and wish you were anywhere else.
field dalling
Doing in a field what would be infinitely more comfortable in a shed.
fishtoft
Feeling toft (qv) after the fish waiter has offered you a choice of talbot, tarpon, turbot, taipan or tarpaulin.
five miles from anywhere
A place that is eight kilometres from nowhere you want to be.
flitcham
A way to experience ecstasy without disrobing.
frognall
Any slithery slimy gooey creature whose endearing qualities are obvious to everyone except people over the age of four and a half.
fulmodestone (pronounced “fdlmdlstn”)
The uttering of this word provides a useful method for testing the efficacy of a denture fixative
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