Monday, February 28, 2011
Dear Mrs Gaddwyffy, your hubby IS a one, and no mistake! Men! They just can't keep out of mischief, can they? I don't mean to be rude, but is he a bit, well, a bit ODD? I mean, the way he rants and kills people, and that ridiculous hat he wears. He seems very grumpy. If I were you, I would feed him lots of Marmite, hide his hat and take his pistol away from him. Mind you, he's so ugly, you might want to keep him locked in your cellar. I know I would!
Oh dear, it's the cross we wives have to bear, isn't it?! Or should that be "crescent" in your case?
Anyway, do your best, dear, a lot of people are counting on you!
Blodwen Trellis, Mrs, Widow, retd.
The animals are optional: 1 has a baby polar bear (thank you, Angit), 2 has a Rupert Bear (thank you, an old flame who shall remain nameless) and 3 has a Kiwi (thank you Joe, Matthew and Alfie).
Envoi: the sharp-eyed among you will notice that I forgot to stain one side of the Number 1 box. What do you want from me? Perfection? OK, I promise to be perfect from now on.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a Kiss?"
So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering kiss.
After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up as a girl......"
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Count your blessings and enjoy. And then listen to "Let's try this again". Even more life-affirming.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
It seems, too, that Ghaddafi has established a dynasty: his son Saif el-Islam Gadhafi recently gave a speech in which he in which he described the four pillars of Libyan society:
- Islamic law
- the Quran
- Libyan security
- his father
I wonder if there is a handbook for all these tinpot dictators, because they all seem to sing from the same infernal hymn sheet.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Abaza, Abkhaz, Adyghe, Aghul, Akhvakh, Archi, Avar, Azeri, Balkar, Bashkir, Belarusian, Bulgarian, Buryat, Chechen, Chukchi, Church Slavonic, Chuvash, Dargwa, Dungan, Erzya, Even, Evenki, Gagauz, Ingush, Kabardian, Kalmyk, Karakalpak, Kazakh, Komi, Koryak, Kumyk, Kurdish, Kyrghyz, Laz, Lak, Lezgi, Lingua Franca Nova, Macedonian, Mansi, Mari, Moksha, Moldovan, Mongolian, Nanai, Nenets, Nivkh, Old Church Slavonic, Ossetian, Russian, Ruthenian, Serbian, Slovio, Tabassaran, Tajik, Tatar, Turkmen, Tuvan, Tsez, Udmurt, Ukrainian, Uyghur, Uzbek, Votic, Yakut, Yukaghir, Yupik.
Bozhe moi, I haven't even heard of most of them!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
I do hope you find a nice little cottage somewhere now that you have retired. I should avoid pyramids, though, if I were you - they must harbour the dust something chronic, never mind scarabs.
Blodwen Trellis, Mrs, Widow, retd.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
In 1919 when the 'flu killed 40 million people there was this Doctor that visited the many farmers to see if he could help them combat the flu.. Many of the farmers and their family had contracted it and many died. The doctor came upon one farmer and, to his surprise, everyone was very healthy. When the doctor asked what the farmer was doing that was different, the wife replied that she had placed an unpeeled onion in a dish in the rooms of the home, (probably only two rooms back then). The doctor couldn't believe it and asked if he could have one of the onions. She gave him one which he placed under the microscope he found the 'flu virus in the onion. It had obviously absorbed the bacteria, thereby keeping the family healthy.
Now, I heard this story from my hairdresser in AZ. She said that several years ago many of her employees were coming down with the flu and so were many of her customers. The next year she placed several bowls with onions around in her shop and, to her surprise, none of her staff got sick. It must work... and no, she is not in the onion business.
The moral of the story is, buy some onions and place them in bowls around your home. If this helps you and your loved ones from getting sick, all the better. If you do get the flu, it just might be a mild case.. What have you to lose? Just a few bucks on onions!!!!
Now there is a P.S. to this...
I sent it to a friend in Oregon who regularly contributes material to me on health issues and she replied with this most interesting experience about onions:
Weldon, thanks for the reminder. I don't know about the farmers story, but I do know that ! contacted pneumonia and needless to say I was very ill. I came across an article that said to cut both ends off an onion, put one end on a fork and then place the forked end into an empty jar...placing the jar next to the sick patient at night. It said the onion would be black in the morning from the germs. Sure enough it happened just like that... the onion was a mess and I
began to feel better.
Another thing I read in the article was that onions and garlic placed around the room saved many from the black plague years ago. They have powerful antibacterial and antiseptic properties.
Friday, February 11, 2011
So, you ask (or would if you hadn't already logged off), why this positive frame of the Old Scrote's mind? The answer is: Chicken soup with barley.
An angel of mercy called by last evening bearing a tureen of home-made chicken soup. With barley, the secret ingredient that turns an innocuous soup into a guided missile aimed at any virus within firing range. I had two large helpings and woke up this morning feeling good.
And serene. Damn! Why couldn't the angel have brought the soup on another evening?!
Any road up, I am grateful to D, my angel of mercy, for lifting me out of the Slough of Despond. As it turns out, so are the ducks and the squirrels.
Mi è bastato vederti da lontano per capire quanto fosse grande la tua bellezza.Mi è bastato vederti da lontano per capire quanto già ti desideravo.Mi è bastato vederti da vicino per capire che da lontano non vedo un cazzo!!!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
I'll second that.
Dear Mrs Samarkand, she writes, I can't believe you have another cold! According to Mrs Prytherch, my neighbour across, who is a Christian Scientist, all illnesses are punishments for sin. So I just wonder what you have been up to: lust, envy and pride, I shouldn't wonder, you being English and all.
As to a cure, maybe you need to try being good for a while, though in your case it might take a VERY long while, you being English and all.
Blodwen Trellis, Mrs, Widow, Retd
PS Sorry I got your name wrong before. I know you are not a teapot or a Siberian wolfhound, but it's a mistake anyone could make.
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Don't go, the funny part is on its way.
The joke was to ask someone if they had ever seen a "honolulu penny". When they (you hope) said no, you showed them the pennies illustrated above, the right-hand one being the earlier version. The punch line: "See, on the left-hand penny, the trident is on her knee, in the right-hand penny, it's honolulu!"
Oh how we laughed. Remember there was no such thing as television or the internet in those days: we had to make our own entertainment.
For the first time, I realise that a by-product of a bad cold is delirium. Sorry about that.
"Voilà l'anglais avec son sangfroid habituel", translated as "There goes the Englishman with his usual bloody cold".
The best mistranslation I ever came across, though, was "Rose, émue, répondit", valiantly mangled into "The pink emu laid another egg".
I'd laugh, but my throat hurts too much. I am a wimp when it comes to colds.
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
They can have it.
But there is nothing noble in my decision to let them stay. Last weekend, I started my second cold of the winter, and it's a beast of a cold. I feel rotten, I haven't got the strength to open the back door, let alone sling a buckyball at them.
And if you are into conspiracy theory, you might believe that what I have got is not just a cold, but an attack of avian flu, delivered right up my nose, courtesy of those two bloody ducks on my pond.
Whatever, if they breed, I will post some more pretty pictures of the fluffy ducklings. Heaven forbid the foxes should get them.
Sunday, February 06, 2011
Friday, February 04, 2011
Thursday, February 03, 2011
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
Dear Mubarack Obama, she writes, I thought you were just the President of the Untied States, but I now hear that you are also the Pharaoh of Egypt. It's your business, but I really don't think you can do both jobs well, I think you will fall between two tools if you're not careful. Also, I think you have put an additional burden on yourself by becoming a muslin. Fancy being circumscribed and having to climb up a muezzin five times a day!
Well, it's just my opinion.
Blodwen Trellis, Mrs, Widow, retd.