Thursday, June 22, 2006

Emneth - more excursions into liffery

Maid's Causeway
A thoroughfare in Cambridge, immortalised by a young woman who, when asked if she was a virgin, replied "Not yet."

march adj
[1]A word coined by schoolboys to describe the way liquid substances seep osmotically, as on a plate bearing mashed potatoes and pickled beetroot.

[2] The scum that forms on the surface of a cup of tea even if you have filtered the tap water. If you can skim off and collect a sufficient quantity of march, send it to Anglian Water for a refund.

manea (pron. 'may-nee)
A measurement of the force required to take the top off a boiled egg without causing the yolk to run down the side of the eggcup.

An Estonian refugee, founder and only resident of an East Anglian village bearing his name, wherever it is.

maxey, adj
(obs slang, ca 1910) Bold, courageous, carefree and gay. By 1919, the word had died out along with the young men it was coined to describe.

A really embarrassing spoonerism, as when you stand outside a closed post office with a clutch of letters in your hand and fluff the words "Oh dear, I missed the post."

melton constable
Usually shortened to melton. A melton is the sort of police officer who harasses decent respectable citizens (like you and me) for having outdated vehicle licences, parking wherever we find a decent space,etc. Why can't meltons go and harass real criminals?

mepal (pron `meepul)
The sudden transition from hate to remorse occasioned by the killing of a mouse in your bedroom.

mickley green
[1] An attempt to reduce the revolting nature of wiggens green (qv) by tossing them in butter and lime juice.

[2] Mouthwash that makes no difference.

middle muckle
The half-finished state in which most fixers remain for years once the enthusiasm, energy and money run out

An unidentifiable, mildy embarrassing stain on the carpet right by the front door. By dabbing a mildenhall with a damp cloth soaked in bleach, you can turn a mildenhall into an identifiable and grotesquely embarrassing stain.

milkinghill bridge
Overpriced dentistry.

Poetry that kills 99% of all known germs.

The inexpressible humiliation of being rejected by a member of one's own sex.

much wittering
A noise heard at supermarket checkouts coming from the people behind a customer who insists on packing every last one of his or her purchases before paying.

The blue-green mould that Alexander Fleming noticed growing on a culture in 1928, and which led directly to the invention of gorgonzola cheese.

A ploy employed by males to win sympathy by appealing to a woman's maternal instinct. Still used, but ineffective since 1975.

nene valley
An unappealing goose-like cleavage, but at least more honest than a silicon valley.

Norman Cross
The man who invented cat's eyes after seeing a cat walking towards him at night along a dark road. He reported later that if the cat had been walking away from him, he might have invented the pencil sharpener.

1 comment:

d~ said...

The overall lolworth level of your blog is 9.3, leading me to wonder if I can sue for the resultant medical damages consisting of sore stomach muscles and an aching jaw.