Thursday, June 01, 2006

The Wisdom of Sophie, Part 119

After the Anitkabir outburst, I thought it wise to get back on track with some more of Sophie's gems. By the way, this is not a picture of her brother Harry; I think it may be of George W Bush as a child.

Mommy, I think boys are gross.
Really? Why is that, dear?
They pull your hair and say rude things and make bad smells.
Not all boys are like that, surely? What about your brother?
ESPECIALLY my brother!!
Drink your fermented Bighorn sheepmilk, dear.

My birthday is on June 5th. Please make all donations payable to me, not to charity
Birthdays again
Mommy, can we have a party for Grandpa's birthday?
But Grandpa isn't here, dear.
I know, but we can save him a piece of cake.
But we can't have a party without Grandpa.
I don't see why not. He'd only fall asleep anyway.
Drink your environmentally-friendly buttermilk,dear.

Why are all the bad things so good?
Junk food
Mommy, why can't we eat junk food like normal people?
Because it's not good for you. I want you to grow up strong and healthy.
But Grandpa eats all kinds of junk food and..
Yikes. Can I have A LOT MORE broccoli and a BIG glass of carrot juice, please?

We all try to define our individuality by assuming attitudes, adopting roles, etc
Mother, I have decided to become a venginterian.
A what, dear?
Oh mother, please listen! A VENGINTERIAN.
Oh, a vegetarian. You do know what the word means?
Oh mother, really. You must think I'm a child.
Yes, dear. So, no more meat.
That's right. I refuse to eat animal flesh. It's barbar..., it's gross.
Very well. Eat your wholewheat-breaded albacore strips, dear.
Yes, mother.

Well, this IS California, after all. Kick back, chill, it's cool.
Mother, I have decided to become a lensibum.
A what, dear?
A LENSIBUM. Why do I have to repeat myself?!
Oh, a lesbian. Very well, dear, but why?
Because I no longer wish to eat meat.
That's a vegetarian, dear. A lesbian is, well, something different.
I can be BOTH, can't I?
Yes, dear, if you wish. Now, what would you like for tea?
Are lesbians allowed to eat chicken nuggets?

Hey, I don't know what it is either.
Omega 3
Mommy,. why is fish good for you?
Because it contains essential oils like Omega 3.
Whar's Omega 3?
It's something you get from fish.
But what does it DO?
Eat your fair-trade barley-fed coley nuggets, dear.

It's not only children who are direct. I was once told by a girlfriend "Your neck's gone, Jake". Thanks a bunch.
Mommy, Grandpa's got hairs growing out of his nose.
Yes, dear.
And his ears are awful loooooooong.
Yes, dear.
And he's got no hair on the top of his head.
Yes, dear.
Maybe he doesn't get enough Omega 3.
Eat your live-culture low-fat bionic yogurt, dear.

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