Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Liffery PQR

offord cluny
A refusal to fight a duel on any day ending in –y.

A sensible alternative to the response "No way!" when requested by an armed thug to hand over your wallet.

The blessed denouement of an upwell (qv), usually accompanied by lies and insincere flattery.

over, n.
[1] What awks do (Listen, I’m just the lexicographer).

[2] Male triplets (etym very very dub)

A bra or an athletic support that contains more than it was designed to accommodate.

oxlode, adj
Completely lode (qv), a feeling of despair on having a win on the pools, when, after twenty-five years of nothing, you finally get a cheque for £0.75.

[1] A test of a man's chivalry, occasioned by the discovery of bourn (qv) in a bra during a session of heavy petting.
[2] A bulging groin, the result a rolled-up sock or elephantiasis. In any case, as unattractive in its way as a nene valley (qv).

Parker's Piece
The very last piece, the missing one, the one that prevents you from completing a jigsaw puzzle. The eponymous Parker was a college porter sacked for swallowing keys.

A curious and smug back-and-forth rocking movement on the balls of the feet adopted by police officers, carpark attendants and the like when they know they have got you "bang to rights". It is accompanied by such gnomic utterances as "Is this your little pride and joy?" or "You can't leave it there, pal."

pidley adj
Descriptive of a condition which does not take kindly to giggling, sneezing, running or jumping up and down. Fun to watch.

pingles lane
Any pathway in a park or wood where boys go in the hope of encounters of the first, second, third, fourth and fifth kind. Well, any kind of encounter really, as long as it results in a nice pingle.

An instrument much used in school physics laboratories to demonstrate the impossibility of teaching science to children.

[1] (obsolete)
Refusal to serve a person a drink in a hostelry on such grounds as lack of years or money. Shakespeare's "Is this a lager I see before me?" was met with an immediate potton.
A nocturnal creature of the suburbs that leaves a perfectly-formed Richard the Third on the back doorstep every night. The animal itself has never been seen.

An incompetent batsman.

The snack you made and ate at 11 30 pm and which you bitterly regret two hours later.

Trying to look nonchalant while walking through an Oxbridge college. Even more poignant if you were "up" forty years ago and now no bugger knows who you are.

A very low score on the manea scale (qv), characterised by goo on plate, fingers and chin. If you score three quaneas in a row, switch to kedgeree.

Any unexplained landscape feature in a model railway layout, eg, a llama, or the bridge over it that leads nowhere.

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