Monday, June 19, 2006

More Sophisms

Mommy, why does that lady have such a big tummy?
Shh, she's pregnant, dear.1
What's pregnant?
She is growing a baby in her tummy.
Oh. I guess Grandpa's pregnant too.
Eat your macrobiotic clover-fed icecream, dear.

Noah's Ark
Mommy, was Grandpa in Noah's Ark?
No dear, I'm sure he wasn't.
How come he didn't drown then?
Nibble on your organic compost lettuce leaf, dear.

Muscovy Duck
Mummy, what's a Muscovy Duck?
It's a duck from Muscovy, dear.
Where's Muscovy, mummy?
It's a country near Tesco's, dear.
Do they speak English?
No, dear. Ducks just go "quack."
Wow, mummy. You know EVERYTHING!
Drink your live-bacteria desalinated yogurt, dear.

Mother, I have written a pome just for you.
A what, dear?
A POME. Please listen to what I say!
Oh, a poem. That's nice, dear. Read it to me.
"I wander'd lonely as a cloud that floats on high o'er vales and hills when all at once I saw a crowd a host of golden daff.........."
Darling, you didn't write that!!!
I did too. Look, this is my handwriting, isn't it?
Drink your folic-acid-rich parsnip strainings, dear.

Mommy, why does Grandpa watch birds?
I don't know, dear. It's a mystery to me. Ask him.
Grandpa, why do you watch birds?
Because they are quieter than children and they don't ask dumb questions,
Mommy, I think Grandpa should be called Grump-pa.
Eat your FAO-approved possumburger, dear.

Life after Death
Mother, is there life after death?
I don't know, dear. Ask you Grandpa.
Grandpa, is there life after death?
Sure there is, sweetiepie. Why else would I shave every morning?
Mother, I think Grandpa is weird.
Slurp your Kanazawa noodles, dear.

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