In a surge of patriotism, brought on by the blessed disappearance of the English team from the World Cup (what a bunch of primadonnas!), I want to write songs to celebrate my country. I am no Sammy Kahn, but, inspired by the hits belted out by Al Jolson, the Chocolate-colored Coon (can't say that nowadays, but wotthehell, Archie), et al, I offer a few classics to polish the jewels of our island's sceptre.
"Nothing could be finer than to be in Leighton Buzzard in the mo-o-orning...."
"Bognor Regis, here I come, right back where I started from..."
Pardon me boy, is that the Wolverhampton choochoo..."
"The stars at night, are big and bright - da da da da da - deep in the heart of Nantwich."
"Devizes, Devizes, that toddling town..."
"Is it true what they say about Cardiff? Does the sun really shine all the time?...."
To tell you the truth, my heart's not really in it. I think I'll stick to Vera Lynn singing about bluebirds over the white cliffs of Denver.
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