ALMARO

Being told by my doctor that Glucosamine Gel was no more effective than Salad Cream as an unguent to massage into my naughty knees set me to thinking. It set me thinking back to a time when I was in Mombasa (on business, never been anywhere for pleasure, me). I was sitting at a table on the street-side patio of the hotel where I was staying when a scruffy urchin came up to me, grinned, handed me a card and stuck out his hand for baksheesh. I can't remember how much I gave him, but when I read what was on the card, I realised it was well worth the expense. Here, as nearly as I can reproduce it, is the announcement to the world of the wonders of a concoction called ALMARO:

OK, doc, Glucosamine Gel may not do anything for knees, but I bet it's the dog's bollocks if you needed to cure Burantasi or Qack ache, and you've run out of Almaro. I must try rubbing it into my qack and see what happens.