[All the words defined below started out life as East Anglian placenames]
bardeswell
Using archaic language in the belief that it is amusing, eg, “Canst tell me the hour, stout yeoman?” Personally I wouldn’t give such a person the time of day.
barney
The man standing at the bar who doesn’t laugh when you tell an Irish joke. The thing to do is to tell it again, only more slowly for his benefit.
beeston
Honey
beeston regis
Royal honey
beetley adj
Descriptive of legs that have delicate traceries of veins reminiscent of contour maps of the Andean Cordillera.
bintree
The person in a supermarket who puts their shopping cart crosswise in the aisle, thereby blocking it, and who then engages a shelf stacker in deep conversation.
bittering
Complaining that the party you voted into power have turned out to be “just as bad as the other lot”.
blackwater
A synonym for instant coffee.
blofield heath
The blasted place where people meet to make love.
booton
Advising a referee that he is in the wrong profession
brisley
A Tom Cruise lookalike. Shave him and he might look quite presentable.
burgh stubbs
Lavatorial evidcnce that you need to change your lifestyle
cangate
Inserting lots of do-able items in a “to-do” list to give yourself the illusion that you really ARE clearing up the clutter in your life.
carston
The stranger who obligingly waves you back into a parking space, thereby enabling you to put a dent both in your car and in the one behind you.
castle rising
Unwarranted excitement during a game of chess
clipping green
Topiary, the kind that produces lopsided peacocks.
colby (TM)
A motel trouser press which allows you to add a parallel crease to your pants.
corpusty
The agonising of a fat man as to whether he should wear his belly above or below his belt.
crostwight
An angry linnet
drabblegale
A fluffy blouse designed to conceal the paucity of the bosom.
dumpling green
An apple-cheeked buxom country wench with a smile marred only by plaque and missing teeth.
elm
A hatred of all things Dutch
friday bridge
A weekend that starts on Thursday
fring
The snapping noise made when you pull a bra-strap. Boys love it, girls hate it.
grimston warren
Killing rabbits for fun.
guestwick
“Gli ospiti sono come i pesci, dopo tre giorni incominciano a puzzare” (Guests are like fish: after three days they begin to smell). A guestwick is a ploy to persuade them it is time to leave, eg, by burning the house down.
guist adj, pron /gaist/
The sort of spectre that haunts houses in Surrey
gunthorpe
The scrotal frisson that men experience when Clint Eastwood squares up to a villain.
hengrave
Forgetting the first name of your boss’s wife at a reception. Calling her “my dear” only compounds the error.
herringswell
A rash or excrescence arising from the wearing of a fishmonger’s jockstrap.
high kelling
Putting the porn on the top shelf to keep it out of the reach of short vicars.
hindolveston
A safari-style jerkin with numerous pockets. No matter how long you own a hindolveston, you will never finally decide what to put in which pockets.
honing
Excessive polishing of wineglasses to expiate the overindulgence of the night before.
horning
Trying to provide a sophiscated reply to the question “How do you like your steak, sir?”
horningtoft
Failing to impress the waiter: “medium to well-done” is for wimps; “saignant” is for showoffs.
lamas
Trying to reconcile the gambolling image in the Spring with the chops on your plate a couple of months later.
letheringsett
A failure to win your man by whipping the shit out of him.
leziate (schoolgirl slang)
A gym mistress.
little hautbois
A French piccolo
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