Liffery Lives! M-Z

[Reminder: all the words defined hereunder were taken down from road signs in East Anglia. They will not be missed]

methwold
The last glass you drink at a party, consisting of the dregs of various wineglasses and a generous admixture of cigarette ends. You drink it anyway.
mintlyn wood
A woodland scene with bright yellow fields, the sort that only existed in Rupert Bear annuals before the advent of rape
mousehold heath
A blasted place where mice meet to make love.
nordelph
A troll
northrepps
Tiny invisible insects that you can feel on your skin but can’t locate, and whose sole purpose in life is to spoil your enjoyment of a good thunderstorm.
old bottom
A VPL without interest.
overstrand
The top E string on a guitar, the one that never seems to be quite in tune.
pettywell
Asking for change from a waitress so that you can leave a mingy tip.
pillard’s corner
A public gathering place where people can express worthless opinions without fear of being understood.
pockthorpe
A dimpled chin
potthorpe
A dimpled chin containing bloater paste or similar.
reepham
Another hapax logomenon, found in the saw “As ye Soham, so shall ye Reepham”.
runcton bottom
The angry red parallel lines that appear on your backside after sitting too long on a park bench.
salle
The belief that anything said in a Lancashire accent must be true.
sco ruston
Jive or black American street talk. If the assistant in a Harlem bookshop asks if you want your purchase rapped, say no thanks, or you could be there for hours, mystified.
scottow
[1] Reluctance to remove one’s hands from one’s trouser pockets on a cold morning or when checking the tackle.
[2] A method for peeling an orange without being seen
setchey
A dry cleaner’s underarm deodorant.
sidestrand
The cord which enables you to tighten the bottom of an anorak for no reason
spixworth
A measure of the degree of fuzziness that can be achieved with even the most sophisticated digital camera.
sporle
The last scrape of mayonnaise under the shoulder of the jar, the bit you can never quite get at.
stalham
A look of deep concentration, often enhanced by sucking on an unlit pipe, which enables you to appeare wise while someone is explaining quantum mechanics to you.
stanhoe
The fun moment when a garden implement comes up and smacks you on the nose as you stand on the business end.
stratton strawless
Totally exhausted after a day of climbing hayricks.
themelthorpe
Attempting to explain to a police officer that you are perfectly fit to drive.
three hammer common
An heraldic device, as in the blazon “On a field or, a fess raguly gules three hammers common”. This is the coat of arms of anyone called Smith, but do check with Lord Lyon King of Arms first or you might end up in the Tower.
tittleshall
The inexplicable excitement that men derive from an unintended glimpse of a nipple.
turves
The bits of grass left standing defiantly after you have mown your lawn. Only nail scissors or dynamite can remove them
tyby
A dilemma, as in “Tyby or not tyby”
twyford
The sort of person who says everything twice. Says everything twice.
upgate
A fretful pause when straddling a gate as a man considers the chances of his ending up singing soprano in the church choir.
vinegar middle
The point at which cheap plonk lives up to its reputation
weasenham lyngs
Wriggly things in a garden pond which will turn into biting insects if you don’t kill them.
welches dam
An unfaithful horse.
withergate
The moment when a wife realises they are lost, and when the husband refuses to ask a local for directions.
worlington
A question you ask without really wanting an answer, eg, What is earwax actually FOR?