Let's hear it for Saint Pancreas!

Talking of the liver, I had a head-to-toe medical the last time I was in Turkey, and was pleased with the outcome. Everything was as normal as can be expected for a man of my years: heart, blood pressure, kidneys, pancreas (what the hell does that do?), thyroid, bladder, anus (what DO they find up there to check out?), etc. In fact, I have the cardio-vascular system of a 95-year-old, a testimony to the efficacy of my habit of parking at a great distance from my wine merchant's and walking the last 300 metres to his front door.
The only thing - these bloody medics have to find ONE thing to scare you with, don't they? - was that my liver was at Stage Two. Apparently, there is only one more Stage, namely, - oh, ok, you are ahead of me as usual - Stage Three, at which point, I will have more suet round my liver than is currently hanging from my bird table. His advice? Give up the wine.
Of course, he is right. Apart from being young, fit and rich, he is right. And I tried to explain to him the extent of my ABSTINENCES in the interests of continuing health:
1 To avoid worry, I have given up politics and newspapers.
2 To avoid stress, I have given up work.
3 To avoid std, I have given up sex (Well, more accurately, sex has given me up)
4 To avoid hernias, I only lift very slim women.
5 To avoid obesity, I have given up dieting.
6 To avoid anxiety, I no longer open mail or answer telephones.
7 To avoid eczema, I have given up rolling naked in beds of nettles.
8 To avoid surges of blood pressure, I no longer watch Jodie Foster movies
9 To avoid skin cancer, I keep my shirt on in California.
10 And now, to avoid the suet round my liver, it seems I have to give up wine.

Well, the hell with it. I think 9 out of 10 isn't such a bad score.