Dear Bill Oddie, she writes, have you ANY idea how boring all this stuff about nestboxes is? Can't you find more interesting, indeed, more SERIOUS topics to write about? I know you have a personality problem, being small and ugly, but that is really no excuse for harping on about things that nobody really cares about, apart from certain old men who have nothing better to do with their lives now that women no longer find them - or you - attractive.
Forgive me, I am feeling fractious today. You're lucky, you men, all you lose as you get older is your hair and your erections, while we women really wither on the vine, as you might say. Which is why my doctor has put me on HRT. She says it will rejuvenile me. We shall see. So far, the only effects I have noticed is an increasing irritation with your nestbox obsession and a tendency to stare too long at other women. Not that I am lebanese, you understand, just that I find myself comparing. I am sure you do the same with other men's boxes.
Blodwen Trellis, Mrs, Widow, available.