Dear Mrs Scrote, she writes, your current mix of religion and melancholy is most disturbing. I don't want to be personal, but are you sure you're not going through the "change of life" for a second time?
All this about romance and love is MOST unhealthy at your age, forgive me, you should be concentrating on getting the most out of roughage and surgical stockings.
I dont' want to compare you for one moment to Gladys Pugh, god forbid, but if you are not careful, you could end up, like her, as, to quote the expression coined by the Llanfair PG Diggers and Slagshifters Club, "the good time that was had by all.".
Yours
Blodwen Trellis, Mrs, Widow, retired and chaste.
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