Saturday, November 29, 2008

Go forth and multiply, if you can

And the Lord gaveth he to Adam a todger and to Eve a nana that they might procreate, which they did. And on the seventh day the Lord rested, and when he got back to work, he perceivedeth that it had all gone pear-shaped. For, lo, the fruit of A and E's loins and the fruit of the fruit of their loins, yea, verily, unto the nth generation, all that begetting, remember?, were doing stuff with todgers and nanas that was never in the Original Plan, to wit, fornicating for the fun of it, doing the onan thing and even dancing tangos todger-to-todger and nana-to-nana. And the Lord did the thing with the wax and the wrath, and spake from a black cloud in a voice of thunder, saying:
"You pervs! It's all bloody nooky with you now, isn't it? Have fun today and sod'em gomorrah."
And then the Omnipotent One heaved a great sigh, regretting that he hadn't made it an eight-day week with TWO Sabbaths in it, and caused a great Flood to cover the earth. But, being soft-hearted, He got Noah to save two of everything, but with a strict injunction: no nooky on the Ark, keep them occupied with quoits and other deck games, bromide in the soup and get rid of that condom machine in the gents, etc.
And it came to pass that the waters receded, except in the Cambridgeshire fens, and the Earth was repopulated, but with the disappearance of quoits, bromide, etc, the lads and lasses fell back into their old wicked ways, doing it just because it was fun to do it, anywhere, anytime and with anyone.
It was then that God called to His Servant in the kitchen, saying "Mohammed, never mind the dishes, I've got a job for you on Earth............"

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