Let me count the ways....

How do you tell her that you love her? What are the words that can encapsulate your bottled-up feelings for the most wonderful woman in the world? Whatever you say, it won't be enough, will it?
In my little Shropshire village, the men had it sorted. The standard expression to tell a woman how much she meant to you was:
"I wouldna swap thee for a big black pig."
Seriously. And what is even more astonishing, the women took it for the compliment it was meant to be.
My problem is not knowing what to say, but who to say it to. Well, there ya go. One day, Joanna Lumley might knock on my door......