A threnody for the chronologically afflicted

1
Why is it impossible to get out of an armchair these days without emitting a groan?
2
If you bend down to pick something up off the floor, why do you always look round to see if there's anything else you can usefully do while you are down there?
3
Why are your feet much farther away than they used to be when you clip your toenails?
4
Why do people speak so much less distinctly than they did in your young day?
5
Given fading memory, what's the point of making a shopping list when you are going to leave it behind anyway?
6
What is it about children that they progress from admiring you to considering themselves your equal to pitying you?
7
How do you explain the feeling of relief when the phone rings on a Saturday evening and you thank god it isn't for you?
8
What is it about mirrors that they insist on showing you an image of your father when you look into them?
9
What is it about young women that they no longer regard you as a threat?
10
Can anyone explain why clothes shrink while hanging in your wardrobe, so that they no longer fit you when you try them on?

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