Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Tis the season to be got over

We wish you a Merry Christmas!
We wish you a Merry Christmas!

We wish you a Merry Christmas!
- And we wish it wasn't raining.

Still and all, what would December 25 be without Christmas? It would be the day before December 26 (I don't know who organises these things so brilliantly, but it sure as hell isn't the current British administration).

But I am not complaining. I had a wonderful evening last evening sharing supper and good humoured sodality with my wonderful neighbours, and a wonderful surprise this morning when I opened my present from them: a Johnson Bug Cage, which I can appreciate is unlikely to float YOUR boat as much as it floats mine.
I have also had lovely phonechats with people who matter a lot to me, starting with the Kiwis. Grandma is bursting with pride, the new arrival is still unnamed, Joseph is articulate and happy, and Matthew, bless him, chattered away incomprehensibly in a New Zealand accent. Various ex girlfriends also called, still unable to believe that they ever saw anything in me. And I am about to phone Sarah and the Californian munchkins, once I have finished this quite unnecessary piece.
And now, my darlings, I am in an expansive postprandial mood, gently eructating after a most satisfying Christmas lunch of two corned beef sandwiches with festive sprigs of holly stuck in them: food with built-in toothpicks.
The news, as far as I have been able to glean it from various sources, is that the Archbishop of Canterbury is against greed, HM the Queen is in favour of looking after the unfortunate (I can't wait for my food parcel from the Palace), Jodie Foster has finally come out as a lesbian (Funny expression that: I mean, other actresses don't have to come out as straight, or am I missing something?), and Gordon Brown has choked on a sprout.
OK, the last is not true. And the reason I mention Jodie Foster is that I just watched a snatch, if you will pardon the expression, of Bugsy Malone. Goodness, she was a heartbreaker even then.
Oh yes, and I used the catapult to remove a squirrel from my nuts. Not that I succeeded, but I thought you might want to know that I am never one to take adversity lying down, well, not until I have finished this bottle of Hardy's Shiraz Cabernet Sauvignon, special offer at £3.85, hurry while stocks last. God bless Charlie Tesco.

And now, I want to wish you a true, honest and real Merry Christmas, or Hannukah, or whatever guides your spirit, and a New Year full of healthy invertebrates, luscious vegetation, mega-broods of short-tailed field voles and a bumper Barn Owl season. Plus whatever else you think you might need to make 2008 the best year yet.

No comments: