It's good to know that the Socrates of North Wales never sleeps. Mrs Trellis writes:
Dear Salmon Rushdie, I appreciate all you have been through, what with an incurable fatwa on your head, your marriage falling apart, and you being named after a fish, but I do take exception to your snide remarks about the Fourth of July. It happens to be the date of my wedding anniversary, which I have always assumed is the reason why the United States make such a fuss of it, the late Mr Trellis having been an avid collector of American Pinup Art of WWII, specially Betty Grable's legs, which were insured for millions of dollars - more than the cost of fixing your fatwa, incidentally.
I think what you need, if I make so bold, is a new career. For example, with your hair, you could model for toupes and with a few witty remarks thrown in about the Prophet Mohammed's alopecia, make a real go of it.
Yours, etc, Mrs Blodwen Trellis, Widow, Retired