Desperately seeking....

Do you get freebie newspapers? I get the Ely Weekly News and the Ely Standard and a damn good read they are too, keep me going for all of ten minutes. This evening, while chomping on a late sarnie, I scanned the page called MyDate where men and women seeking friendship and love set out their wares. I am impressed by the number of people out there who are sexy, funloving, attractive, bubbly, cuddly, and who all have a GSOH. They all love cinema, reading, the arts, nature, walking, romantic candlelit dinners too. My kind of people!
So, if you love me, will you just cast your eye over the following, which is the entry I propose to insert in the next "MyDate". Let me know if you think I have exaggerated or if I have missed out anything important.
"Old Scrote, 71 but looks older, tall broad-shouldered and pot-bellied, unfit with bad knees but refusing to give up, financially afloat (just), own house, car, moth traps and zimmer frame, wine buff, moth catcher and bosom-n-tractor watcher, great SOH when not melancholic, seeks any female still breathing, preferably short-sighted and forgetful, for friendship and maybe more, given proper notice."
Apparently, the hit rate on MyDate is as high as 7%, not that all contacts lead to lasting relationships, but, you know me, always with the positive vibes. I might even attract the last Old Scrotess in Cambridgeshire, who knows?