I received this message today from an undisclosed source. Not sure why it was sent to me. Perhaps the originator regards me as a potential recruit. He (She?) writes:
Oh my badness! I've been SO busy since the New Year began!
To start with, the assassination I orchestrated in Pakistan (A country I LOVE, it's SO easy to create chaos there) has led to some delicious bitterness and recriminations. I will be honest with you (not a trait that I usually exhibit, I grant you), I sometimes think that Allah is on my side, he has this amazing way of turning people into murderous fanatics, bless him!
And, I think you will agree that we - my cohorts and I - have excelled ourselves in Kenya, not, to be frank, that it is difficult to stir up tribal strife there. I have no idea what a Luo is, or a Kikuyu for that matter - they are all blackamoors to me - but it takes SO little to get them at each other's throats! But I mustn't gloat. After all, so far the death toll has been disappointingly low, even allowing for some church-burning and a little creative infanticide.
Darfur is coming on nicely, and I am particularly proud of our success there given that it is Religion against Religion. I wonder sometimes, though, if my Celestial Adversary is still on the case. Or has He given up? I do hope not. It's not much fun creating Infernal Chaos if you don't get a Divine Reaction from a Worthy Opponent.
Well, that's all for now. I have got my people out practising on some small stuff, eg a fire in the Cancer Hospital in Chelsea, just to keep their hands in till we are ready for the next Big One. Wouldn't you like to know what it is?! >tease< . Whatever it is, it will spread gloom and despondency, I promise you that: just watch BBC or CNN. I really ought to put those media guys on the payroll.
Have an Infernal New Year!