History lesson

Given that the new Kiwi still has no name (so weit wir wissen), I am going along with his Auntie Sarah and his Cali cousins and calling him Alfie. I rather like that. After all Alfred was probably not only the first but also the greatest of our kings. You all know the story of how he got his name. He took refuge with a simple peasant woman who, not knowing who he was, told him she would make him a meal as long as he looked after the cakes that were baking in the hearth. He, his mind being on other things like how to beat the Vikings and whether purple was really his colour, let the cakes burn, The old biddy came into the room and waxed wrath and spaketh as follows:
"Alfred! The grate!!"
And he thought: "Yeah! Cool! Alfred the Great! Good karma! With a moniker like that, I could even wear purple."
And with that, children, he soddedeth off and set up the Danelaw. That is how it all came about. Listen, I went to Oxford College and passed all me degrees (in History, as it happens), I wouldn't kid about a thing like this.