Mrs Trellis has her finger up her pulse as usual.
Dear Barack Obama Bin Laden, she writes, I just saw a picture of you with your beard shaved off, and I must say you look much nicer and not quite so evil.
Also, you not wearing a towel on your head any more, you could be mistaken for a human being (Just my little joke!).
I was surprised to see you had moved to Iowa, but you're probably as safe there as anywhere, and much more comfortable than living in a cave where a person can get spiders in their couscous and haerremoids from sitting on cold rocks.
One thing: you look much more like a darkie than an arab in your picture. Is this a disguise, or did you rub Camp Coffee into your skin thinking it was aftershave?
Anyway, I can't invite you to tea in my little Welsh village, sorry, but the neighbours are funny about foreigners, specially dusky ones. Cardiff wouldn't mind you, though, being a very cosmological city, as long as you didn't go round blowing things up.