The world according to Sophie

Grandpa, a boy kissed me today.
Wow. Did you like it?
NO WAY!!!!!!!!
Oh? Why not?
He's got red hair.
Hm, I guess weirdness runs in the family.

Grandpa, why do you spend so much time sitting in the garden?
Shh, darling, I am listening to the grass growing.
Hmff. I can't hear anything.
You've got to have big ears to hear grass growing.
Well, you sure qualify, Grandpa!
Here, have a spoonful of tamale, dearest.

Mommy, where's God?
I'm not sure, dear. Ask Grandpa.
Grandpa, do you know where God is?
Behind you!
Oh yeah, sure. Think I'm gonna fall for that old trick?
Hell, it isn't as easy to fool little girls as it used to be...

Mommy! Harry just ate my cookie!
Don't worry, darling, I'll give you another one.
But I wanted THAT one.
Why? They're all the same.
No they're not! Mine had my spit on it.

Grandpa, what 's that brown spot on the back of your hand?
It's called a "liver mark", sweetie.
What's a liver mark?
It's a brown spot.
Why don't they just call it a brown spot, then?
Here, have some pepper on your salad, dear.