A meme - and the following is typical - is a way of wasting time, and also a way of describing what kind of person you are, or, more accurately, what kind of person you want people to think you are. While I am waiting for something more interesting to happen, I will complete this meme. And then, who knows?, I might get a life, preferably one free from lower back pain.
1. Can you cook?
The microwave holds no mysteries for me, sunshine.
2. What was your dream growing up?
I never dreamt that I would grow up. Oh, ok, marrying Margaret Lockwood.
3. What talent do you wish you had?
Am I missing something?
4. Favorite place?
Wherever you are, my angel. (You can see why I was never a success with women)
5. Favourite vegetable?
Emo Philips
6. What was the last book you read?
I haven't read the last book yet. I want to live long enough to screw the Prudential.
7. What zodiac sign are you?
Sorry, I'm strictly a Vauxhall man.
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
I cut myself once while peeling a mango. Does that count? (I still have the scar)
9. Worst Habit?
Hey, I ENJOY my worst habit! Don't take it away from me.
10. Do you personally know anybody on Blog?
Sure. Two kinds of people: those I message who don't reply; and those I don't message who don't reply. It's all about communication, pal.
11. What is your favorite sport?
Watching women's tennis for all the wrong reasons.
12. Negative or Optimistic attitude?
You buying or selling?
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator lift with someone of the opposite sex?
I was once. I said wittily: "Wouldn't it be great if you were Ava Gardner and I was Gregory Peck"? She said: "Press the red button, asshole."
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
Dying. It hasn't happened yet, but my body is working on it.
15. Tell me one weird fact about you:
The act of micturition is always better if preceded by a brief anal eructation. Now, go f... yourself.
16. Do you have any pets?
I try to make friends with the woodlice that haunt my house. I have a weakness for crustaceans.
17. Do you know how to do the macarena?
Just give me the lentils, the spices, some good olive oil and a saucepan, and I will amaze you!
18. Is the sun shining where you are now?
In the middle of the fricking night??? What planet are you from?
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
Both, I just hope they don't get re-elected.
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
I would grow a fine bosom, then I wouldn't need to go out on Friday nights.
21. Would you be my good angel or bad angel?
Sorry, I am out of funds right now, darling.
22. What colour eyes do you have?
Which one do you want to know about?
23. Ever been arrested?
Once. Bloody fascists.
24. Bottle or Draft?
I don't gamble.
25. If you won £10,000 today, what would you do with it?
Count it. Who trusts banks?
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?
None: at my age, there is a risk of leaving my teeth in the gum when I spit it out.
27. What's your favourite bar to hang at?
What makes you think I hang? I may be an old scrote but.... aw, never mind.
28. Do you believe in ghosts?
Of course. How else to explain the disappearance of socks, teaspoons and ballpoint pens?
29. Favourite thing to do in your spare time?
I really enjoy completing daft questionnaires.
30. Do you swear a lot?
What kind of a f........ Sorry. I try to keep it down to two expletives per sentence.
31. Biggest pet peeve?
I don't have a pet peeve. I thought about getting a jerbil, but I don't have the desert for it.
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
Done.
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