The song is ended, but the malady lingers on

To date I have had the following suggestions on how to alleviate, or even cure, LBP:
1 Take up yoga
2 Visit an osteopath
3 Lose weight
4 Eat oily fish
I am sure this is all good advice, but I fear that the cure might be more painful than the condition. I ask you, would you still love me if I was [1] stuck in the lotus position, [2] penniless after paying outrageous osteopath fees, [3] skinny, hollow-eyed and sunken-cheeked, and [4] reeking of mackerel?
No. Admit it, you love me just as I am now: bent over, hobbled and decrepit.