Show Mrs Trellis a stick, and she will get hold of the wrong end of it. Here she is again:
Dear Jacques Chirac, she writes, I am so glad to read that you have finally banned hunting. Apart from the fact that there can't be much sport in shooting frogs, I never understood your nation's enthusiasm for eating their legs. Nasty slimy things, frogs' legs, surely? Hardly what I'd call a gastropodic experience.
Also, I have always hated the thought of thousands of frogs stumbling round France every Spring with their back legs chopped off.
Cher M President, you did a good thing there. So it's a pity, really, that in all other respects you are such a wanker - well, that is, according to my late husband's opinion, and he knew a thing or two about THAT subject, I can tell you.
Yours, Blodwen Trellis, Widow of this Parish, Retired